The Gluten Free Life Chose Me, I Didn't Choose It!
Nowadays, I feel like over 50% of my friends are yammering on about being gluten free.
‘Wheat just does not jive well with the human digestive system’
{Insert eye roll, as I take a sip of some champagne here}
‘Gluten is not adding any value to my body’
{Insert fierce side eye as I take another sip out of this champagne flute here}
‘Ever since I have cut out dairy, gluten, shellfish, carbs, and sugar, I just feel more alive!’
{Insert me pouring another glass of champagne and downing it like a frat boy at his first college party here}
To be fair, I do live in the kale over eeeerythang capital, San Francisco, so it really is no surprise to me when I come across ‘health conscious’ picky eaters. And really to each their own, but this gluten free obsessions is legit driving me to crazytown!!!
Well that was until a few months ago…
{Insert handsome men playing melancholic melody on their violins as they hand me Kleenex to wipe my glittery tears here}
Sitting in my doctor’s office as she informs me that I have developed a severe gluten intolerance. I tried to unhear her horrible declaration. But how can you unhear that your body has decided to deprive you of so many of your favorite things. I can not remember if I shed a tear or not, but I did feel like I got dumped by the person I loved unconditionally.
Maybe I’m being a little dramatic but I was not thrilled by this news at all. I just had the most delicious mint chocolate chip cruffin from Mr. Holmes Bakehouse just a week before (after standing in line for about 40 minutes), and was preparing myself for a weekly ritual of cruffin consumption.
{Deep breath in and out, and repeat 10x}
So now when I hear someone, who just inhaled a scone with their drip coffee (without feeling the need to gag or that sweat beads start forming above their temples), tell me about how they are going to depart on a gluten free lifestyle, I can’t help but roll my eyes. Like Sweety, I would love to have a bite of that sphere of gluten goodness but I will be hugging the nearest porcelain within a hour. So do me a favor and shhhhhh about your selective gluten free band wagon lifestyle.
Don’t get me wrong, you do you boo, but hush up!
So now, I have made it my personal mission to uncovering delicious alternatives to my previously happy gluten filled lifestyle. And whenever I get bummed out about something that can no longer cross my luscious lips, I just like to remind myself: At least champagne is gluten free!
-Marie-Claire R
**N.B. Don’t worry that pizza is totally gluten free!**